Rings around the moon.

I was about to quote from my essay, but if I did, could I be accused of plagiarism by the dreaded 'Turnitin' bot? If that's out, I'll just have to describe what happened instead. The day of the appointment. Ex service user sat on the sofa. That's what happened. I locked myself in the bathroom to cry uncontrollably and write (the two have to go together, that's my recipe for sanity) . Meanwhile husband left the house to take son's appointment at the doctors, as an opportunity to say how it is. Through my tears I heard husband outside bathroom door saying, 'I can't do it'. Basically, given our philosophical view point, doing anything that shifts ex service user closer to the mental health team, and sectioning, feels like contacting the Gestapo. The rational view point that he needs meds, is fine and dandy except reality is, he wont take them = sectioning. Strangely enough, he does care about that, since it haunts his present hysteria about ...

It was to be expected. Every-time my husband had tried to begin the necessary sorting out of the dust-laden chaos of ex-Service-User's room, it ended in screaming and shouting. So it came to a halt. But damp clothing... Stuffed down the side of the bed! Things had to change. Ex-Service-User agreed in principle. So began two days of activity that though I'm sure is very worthy, and it has resulted in a clean room without dust or heaps, and means that everything can be accessed and used. But really? Is this a good way to spend our weekend? Two days of wearing earplugs Of being screamed at.. because we don't understand that he is going to be taken away and tortured forever...The reply, 'where are you now, what is actually happening?' remains our reply as we sift through smashed up and bitten CDs, books and artwork. By Sunday evening, though the room was finished and good... The screaming did not stop. But it is the rage that gets me.. Passive ...

Thinking about the meeting... It was intimidating. I know no one there meant it to be But one way or another, with the holding pen just a few doors down the corridor away, and this being all about being kept in or allowed to go home.. Knowing that we don't know the rules of the game... It is even more intimidating now we know there isn't any help available - not because the hospital has withdrawn its help - it has not, and they want to help us, but the only help available is medication or the holding pen. And the consequence of phoning up to say this is too difficult would be that Service User has to return or...? Actually I don't know what would happen...no one has told us or Service User anything. And this is a big part of the problem, everything is hidden behind statements about ethos and ethics. In the meeting, the consultant explained to me about how they made every effort to work cooperatively with the family, and how the wishes of the Service User we...

Yesterday was the first day since this began That I had a feeling of space. The first day I had been alone since Service User tried to kill himself. In the silence of the house my feelings came through my skin as an unbearable discomfort. Stress ran through each nerve like a dull red electricity. The noise of the ordinary drowns this out The damage is shoved into a gap between thoughts, and isn't felt... Contrary to the NHS advice I didn't go for a walk or a run.. Nor did I drown out the silence in music I lay flat out on the floor for an hour or so Feeling muscles cramp and uncramp And let it be... I can see why running to use adrenaline sounds sensible, but this is something I can't run from. Stress in my case is a symptom of not processing, rather than not running..I'm getting into this 'Fourth Force' stuff. The manifestation of emotional and psychosomatic symptoms is the beginning of a healing process through which the organism is tryin...

Actually... I feel as if I was locked in a tumble drier. Now I've fallen out... I'm slightly burnt (my skin is raw) I'm covered in bruises. This is the state of my true self... Not helped by having to chase up the mental health team who have not returned my phone calles Re: changing their visit time tomorrow. It is hard living with someone who keeps on telling me that he is going to die And if only he could have had a test then he'd know.. A simple nMRI would do it. The il-logic of all this, my son's terrible belief, fear. But worse, the mental health team it is hard work. Harder living under the threat that your son will be taken away 'for his own good' because a good patient would take his drugs. Yesterday I paid the money to get a private nMRI scan for Service User. Don't know if it will get him one. I assume putting someone in an nMRI scanner involves ethics... Here is my argument: I am writing this on behalf of Service User (...

This is worse than I thought... Section 3 made sense to me - detaining someone because they could be at risk of serious harm to themselves or others. Section 2 is about accepting treatment. I personally believe if a person with a mental health problem wont take medication, but there is a plan in place to work on their cognition and feelings, even though this is a long term treatment, the Service User has a right to be listened to. Service User equated SSIs with poison. And getting him to take it was in effect like asking him to practice suicide. The only honest way to get him to take them was to say that he had to do it for us... It's funny, despite all the mistake I've ever made in my life Taking my son to the psychiatric hospital is the worst mistake of my life... Transcript of dialogue between me and psychiatrist. Dr: Service User, I've got to tell you, so this is your last chance I don't want to but I have no choice but to put you on a section 2...

I feel as if we are at a crossroads. And I'm taking the easy way out of tomorrow - when the doctor visits - leaving my husband to deal with what ever may be coming down the line towards us. I'm at college tomorrow, so I will come home at dinner time to see what's happened, and probably nothing will have happened or it will all have happened. Either way, I'm glad to duck out of it as much as possible because I feel as if I've dealt with most of it so far. I'm not good at cooperative probably, but mostly I feel that I've made most of the decisions because I'm the one aware of what's happening...only because I don't look away. It is a sore point for me because I feel crushed and unsupported. The college provides counselling - but somehow the booking system just goes astray. I could phone up the automated ' leave a message' side again, but is that going to be working any better than the email side? Well, either way. No counsel...