Rings around the moon.

You may have got that I'm not accepting it? It is an integrity thing.  And my rational mind says it isn't 2% it is more like 0.2 %. Even so I'm not accepting that our marriage is over.  I know what he did, I know what he has said. I do believe that he wants a relationship with her. Even if he doesn't, I believe he doesn't want to be with me. I do feel as if I'm riven through with rusty swords, several of which he actively chose to stab me with. I have to crawl my way out of this, seeking help from those who will stand by me. The many, many strong and good people who will help. This is sanity? Yes, because I'm looking at my inner mirror, seeking to become the person I prefer myself to be. Looking at things in the context of life and death. And the sacred. I should have done this from the first, heaven knows I've been told this by the best teachers, I knelt before Ato Rinpoche and took Bodhisattva vow. And my knowledge was swept away in a hope and fear tsu...

It seems ages since I last wrote here. And I know that my memory will be faulty... Nevertheless, this is is a hazy account of how 'things have been'.. It appeared to me that the first day after Citalopram was gone (about 7 and a half days after taking the last dose) things grew much worse. A period of worsening happened with the end of Risperdone. When that left Service User's system he became frantic - is a better way to describe it... Possessed would be the medieval diagnosis. And, as with the end of Risperdone, each subsequent day gets better than the one before Extreme behavior grows less and becomes less intense And Service User regains self control, and a sense of humor. There were a few days between the end of R and then the end of C. So I found it difficult, six days later when Citalopram 'left the building' to witness the reversal and descent back down into the constant walking, walking, walking - agitation. On the first day of Citalopr...

Thinking about the meeting... It was intimidating. I know no one there meant it to be But one way or another, with the holding pen just a few doors down the corridor away, and this being all about being kept in or allowed to go home.. Knowing that we don't know the rules of the game... It is even more intimidating now we know there isn't any help available - not because the hospital has withdrawn its help - it has not, and they want to help us, but the only help available is medication or the holding pen. And the consequence of phoning up to say this is too difficult would be that Service User has to return or...? Actually I don't know what would happen...no one has told us or Service User anything. And this is a big part of the problem, everything is hidden behind statements about ethos and ethics. In the meeting, the consultant explained to me about how they made every effort to work cooperatively with the family, and how the wishes of the Service User we...