Rings around the moon.

Siltane by Moonlight Benjamin Well, if I dare open my eyes, and I'd rather not, the road I'm on, behind and ahead of me is called Denial Drive. Denial Drive is a long road, so far twenty-five years long.  Many people walk it to their death. For me, it has been OK. Twenty-five years of avoiding the side streets. Avoiding / failing to connect with  darkly delicious, safe, outrageous emotional overwhelm.  I assumed it would come with that ice-cream van. Sweetness and delight... The one I heard in the distance. Sure it was there, Somewhere. Just not where I was. It was always possible. I knew it was possible. Ice cream vans turn up... I was happy to continue. In return for love. For protection. Hmmm... As this is my blog and my personal opinion I will continue.  My husband had 'the dark' in him. Did he? I couldn't reach into it. It was cold, distancing, switching off,  dialing down  anxiety.  Or it was the wrong frequency. I'd say a lack of presence, like...

Service User is supposed to be looking for his phone in his room. This means he will be staring into the mirror. I'm expecting a visitation from the doctor and 'health team' And if they are not coming, the message will have gone to his phone. Just got Service User to check his emails on the computer and I've read that the NMR people passed the request for a scan to the hospital and the hospital was meant to get in touch - with Service User of course - so have they, did they? I cannot know... And so I'm wondering how this situation could be improved....because I like pointless mental exercises. OK, rewind. Supporting autonomy means supporting someone's actual choices, I don't think it means supporting someone's inertia. Is a failure to engage with things a choice, or an absence or what? I think inertia is the best word, because it isn't anything. What do I fear? There is a danger in the disconnect for sure, disconnecting from university,...