Friday afternoon TA. Childish mod.

Lock down version 1.0 is coming back. 

My area has been 'put on the naughty stool' for spreading Corona virus too far and to wide.

The only thing I believe is

Being sensible helps.

Facts would help..

But they are in short supply.

Looks like everywhere runs on fantasy in denial!

Basically.

Me and Corona?

I cannot find any part of me scared of catching it. 

If I caught it.

There is the legal requirement to retreat for two weeks.

Which becomes the problem of getting Tesco delivery slots. 

This isn't fear.

And having stuff delivered without plastic bags, and having to unpack the boxes into the hall...and then sort it all out...whilst coughing my guts up and feeling like I want to die!

There is no sensation of fear.

To be honest I'm not keen on becoming so ill that I actually do die. 

And you can still get plastic bags..

Where is my anxiety?

Sorry, I'm not and never really have been an anxious person.

I've had anxiety induced in me because my body told me one thing, and truth was hidden...

But that's not anxiety.

That's just what happens.

When people lie about something that really matters...

So?

So, writing a TA diagram of how my husband and I...our verbal transactions transacted, is depressing, and enlightening. 

It is another way to say that we were acting like children.

Both wanting the other to be a grown up.

Nevertheless the fact remains, the transactions cross.

In TA terms, a crossed transaction creates miscommunication and bad feelings. 

I didn't write the words exactly...

The dotted lines indicate the psychological meanings of the words.

Except "You just go on and on..." is verbatim.

And what it means is pretty obvious.

You can call it avoidant-dismissive if you like..

There are other ways to describe it.

The transaction begins with me.

My words, tone voice and my body language says, 'please don't react badly to my fear'! 

I do it because the alternative is silence.

N o t h i n g .

N o t h i n g   withholding emotion

Withholding information.

Withholding everything except the most superficial...

Prevents me making 'informed' choices.

When I know I need to make choices.

This is a parental strategy.

To hide truth.

To take care of a vulnerable child...

Oh lord, am I saying I'm responsible for this.

Hahahaha.

Or is this behavior actively manipulating and damaging, because no matter how childish I can be I was affected, and I still am affected by his decisions.

I believe so.

Anger it is then!

What I get from this diagram is the probability that I trusted my parents to help me, and as a consequence I actually expect people to be kind to me. It's also possible that my appeal to his 'parent' got a parental reply, but I got 'the child in the parent' which makes it a different kind of horrible.

That would account for the nastiness...