The Unattractive Portable Head by Daughters Many things to say. First thing: I wish I could remember when I first heard this song. I felt like it was telling me something. But I didn't recognize myself in it. I identified with the sound of it , the energy, the rage. Not the lyrics. This song... I hear it now as.. Writing on the wall. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree... The configuration of self I called 'Last year's man' is either at the end of a continuum, or is the real person. Last year's man is his father's son. Yesterday I almost cracked. I wanted to take everything that is his back. Put it in the car, go round at about 3:30 am when he would be asleep. Leave it outside, behind some bushes... I decided this impulse comes from the part of me addicted to pain. He would hear me, see me. Why am I thinking of this! So So, I let the impulse to remove all trace of his family from my house run only as far as putting some things into a box. Then I r...
We took ex-Service User to the hospital for his check-up X rays. Being positive here, I can honestly say that his capacity to sit in the waiting rooms is so much better than it was. Just a couple of forays into the subject uppermost in his mind -about being a psychopath, having committed lots of crimes and how he will be tortured forever - headed off at the pass by feeding him nuts...., He left with a discharge - sometimes that is a good word - so he is healed sufficiently, his fractured bones are mending. We headed into town for a celebratory meal...only it didn't feel that way, because within minutes of the orders being taken, ex-Service User is beginning the panic monologue again. I had been revising Solutions Focused technique, a central tenant of which is: who cares about reality (don't get caught up in he content) just look for stuff that works! So I was fairly centered and able not to get caught up in the mad spinning, but on the other hand, having to spe...
Staying with Alien meta-story, the the way I feel right now is closer to encountering Ash than having blown the destructive, dangerous horror out of my life. I feel like I've been struggling, without believing that I was in danger. But now I see. That final lie was just too much. Why Ash? Ash was a synth. My husband followed his family's programming... So my husband's 'prime objective' was pretty much the same as Ash's on the Nostromo. To maintain the 'intrusion' of the xenomorph, through secrecy and then...attempting to destroy the person who suspects the truth. People don't matter. With the xenomorph on Nostromo the crew would suffer. Likewise the happiness and wellbeing of the partners, the family don't matter. The crew do have a function, they are incubation pods for the host. Yes, what has happened to me and our family is that ugly. Incubation pods. We provided him with a compelling and powerful victim narrative. The monster grew from th...
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