Kendle mintcake.

What have we learnt?

1. When we went out by ourselves and returned Service User was manic.
2. Theory: Service User becomes manic if he doesn't get to talk about how he should not have done X, Y and Z.
3. When Service User talks about how he shouldn't have done X,Y and Z he relives the feelings of panic and helplessness.
4. The burning need to talk about letting oneself down has to be managed, reliving feelings of powerlessness and fear is only more powerlessness and fear. It does not lead to any answers. It deepens his anxiety, it increases the damage?
5. Which of the above is more true?

In the light of this from yesterday onward, each time Service User began to go into the pale skin, shaking, fear laden monologue about what he shouldn't have done...my husband - who has got the message about how I need back-up -  talked him down into focusing on his breath and letting the feeling sink.

Each time...

Don't know how many...

Last time was in the car on the way home, but I was driving - so I closed off from it.

This morning I went into the bathroom and there were spatters of blood...

All around the sink.

On the mirror over the sink...

I went into his room to ask him what had happened?

The blood was from flossing his teeth...

When I came down stairs he had made me porridge.

We talked about Wellness - I did a wellness course about two years ago and thought it would be good for him to do - just a twenty-five minute 'lesson'. .

He got so far, and then was desperate to talk about himself and what he shouldn't have done.

He sees it all in an absolute clarity

Like he has the answer to everything, like someone given a message from God.

The only change is the connections in my head

Between his behavior and the probable cause - I mean it seemed compelling before to think that there could be a genetic link - but that was before he started talking about using.

So... yes, impression management and impulsive behavior..that makes sense then.

Of putting Kendle mint-cake on the counter just as I was about to pay for something so it was picked up and added to my bill. The words, 'I could pay for it myself?' as I find myself paying, walking out of the shop saying to him, 'do not do that again' as he eats half of it then talks about how he eats too much sugar and shouldn't have got it.

With regards the burning need to talk.

I told him he needed to set a time and a time limit.

That I would go into the monologue with him but he could not just keep on getting fix after fix of adrenaline / cortisol. He has to begin to manage it by setting limits. 

We agreed on 1 o'clock, for 25 minutes and I congratulated myself.

Then I left him to his own devices whilst I went into another room to work - I blocked the door.

He doesn't respect the shut door, don't come in rule.

At some point he tried to come in, whilst telling me that he knew what he shouldn't have done

I said, 'No...I will talk to you at 1 o'clock...'

And at 1 o'clock he left the house.