BOLT.

I was dreaming that it was over. We had started to resolve it. His hand was in mine, eye contact and real tears. It was so precious, so fragile, so...much a dream slipping to the floor, sinking down and down and into the earth. As I rose out of it, watching the images fizzle into deep sadness and anger I was annoyed with myself. 

How could my subconcious do this to me? 

Of all the things I could dream, why dream what will hurt me the most? 

Well, zero use in asking that question! 

Call it memory getting de-fragged, memory-files play as they are moved. 

So I'm de-fragged, time to move on.

I reach for my headphones and get breathing!

BOLT is a test to guage how efficiently we breath. From breathing normally, breath out, pinch your nose and time how many seconds it takes before you have a bodily reaction to indicate enough is enough!

• A high BOLT score is 40. 
• Normal is 30. 
• Mine is pitiful, 15 at best. 

And actually I did not know that it is that bad - I've only just come across BOLT!!

Apparently people suffering from anxiety and panic have low BOLT scores.

Now there are two paths to take from understanding about breath and panic. I took the Wim Hof way, but for others there is 'Oxygen Advantage' based on the theory that low BOLT is caused by habitual over breathing. OA says: you need more CO2 in your system. 

So breath less!

I've gone the other way. I'm following Wim Hof, so when I feel panic rising in me, I take three or four long and slow Wim Hof breaths deep down into my legs and feet, as if I was a balloon "Belly, chest, and let it go"

https://sequencewiz.org/2019/10/02/three-main-forces-that-regulate-your-homeostasis-and-inner-balance/

This remedy takes about thirty seconds to kick in. It works because it increases the activity of my PNS (read Porges) which lowers my heart rate,  a slower heart feels better, plus there is a neocortex re-engagement as I remember Wim's voice..

Funny what causes panic. 

On Tuesday it was a video in college -see below'

It wasn't the subject, it was her, she is so bloody stressed!

Body language says angry!

In practice no understanding of theory is fast enough. Neuroception - an unconscious perception of something regarded as a threat - may as well be at the speed of light. The limbic system is always going to be faster than the neocortex, so the woosh of adrenaline, raised heart-rate, discomfort, sensation as if my skin is crawling with flies... is instant.

Nor do I think that my secondary reaction of thoughts will do it for me. 

Sensations have be re-mapped.

Only way out is through.

Thank you Wim!

On getting up and on going to bed I do three rounds of Wim Hof breathing; I breath like I'm in the panic situation from hell. 

My conscious choice.

I'm in control.

Then I stop breathing - round three is 1 minute 30 seconds.

As I lie still, no breath, no movement, just presence I'm feeling my blood turning into a million, billion specks of light bubbling through my body. The places where I hold tension often twitch. I visualize energy cascading through me.

Then I breath in and hold for another 15 seconds.

Easily.

So what's happening about that BOLT thingy? 

My BOLT isn't increasing but my tolerance of adrenaline and being in a panic inducing situation is. 

I have no mental reason not to react when I do a BOLT test so I react 'normally' in my usual stressed out way. 

Heart rate goes up! 

I feel like I'm drowning. 

But when I do Wim Hof breathing then for that one minute thirty seconds when I don't breath, I feel peace and joy. I'm imagining myself lying on the ocean floor, it is truly beautiful (Groff's BPM 1).

I find Wim Hof breathing a really joyful thing to do!

Though I would suggest learning about how to really fill your lungs (belly breath, then chest breath, then a bit more) it doesn't matter. If you want to follow Wim, you will learn more in your own time.

And there is the cold water, and the mind-set...but breath is the beginning.