Screaming dinner.
Dinner time - 2 hours ago.
I was screamed at all the way through.
(yawn, same old old) = 'I'm going to be taken away and tortured forever because of X,Y and Z'.
So I put my ear plugs in.
Note: I have ear-plugs in my bag at all times.
Again the form isn't accompanied by any fear.
There is energy, loads of that, but it isn't fear.
So this feels like manipulation; by somehow convincing me into conceding to his point of view, to see things in the way he wants me to see things. The rage isn't directed at me. It doesn't seem to be rage even...only when I asked for an apology as in, "I cooked for you .This is seriously out of order. I want an apology and for you to say thank you". Then there was rage at me, but he contains it very well.
So I'm asking, what kind of interaction was dinner time?
Is this stuff defensive or combative?
Defending against what?
Is it an affront to his dignity that life continues in an ordinary fashion!
The most obvious reading is to say it is vital to him that people agree that he can't do anything right now because everything is futile (in the light of what will happen - Satan, torture, forever!).
If I imagine it as a dialogue it could go like this:
Basically I think it is immoral to agree that life is over, and that a person can be irrevocably broken by life experiences. I am at the receiving end of this story because it is what he is telling himself and he wants it confirmed. Meanwhile though, a refusal to go along with it isn't enough on its own...and we are stuck because screaming at his therapists has ended therapy with the message; he really needs medication to make him a bit more able to hear what's said to him.
Meanwhile, here is a really important lecture to take to heart:
I was screamed at all the way through.
(yawn, same old old) = 'I'm going to be taken away and tortured forever because of X,Y and Z'.
So I put my ear plugs in.
Note: I have ear-plugs in my bag at all times.
Again the form isn't accompanied by any fear.
There is energy, loads of that, but it isn't fear.
So this feels like manipulation; by somehow convincing me into conceding to his point of view, to see things in the way he wants me to see things. The rage isn't directed at me. It doesn't seem to be rage even...only when I asked for an apology as in, "I cooked for you .This is seriously out of order. I want an apology and for you to say thank you". Then there was rage at me, but he contains it very well.
So I'm asking, what kind of interaction was dinner time?
Is this stuff defensive or combative?
Defending against what?
Is it an affront to his dignity that life continues in an ordinary fashion!
The most obvious reading is to say it is vital to him that people agree that he can't do anything right now because everything is futile (in the light of what will happen - Satan, torture, forever!).
If I imagine it as a dialogue it could go like this:
- Me: I can't bear what will happen to you, it is terrible that you are doomed like this, too terrible for any words...
- Him: 'I'm going to be taken away and tortured forever because I've seen and done terrible things mom.'
- Me: falling apart and acting in accord with the stated reality that he is going to be taken away and tortured...which if I believed this was true I would be devastated.
Basically I think it is immoral to agree that life is over, and that a person can be irrevocably broken by life experiences. I am at the receiving end of this story because it is what he is telling himself and he wants it confirmed. Meanwhile though, a refusal to go along with it isn't enough on its own...and we are stuck because screaming at his therapists has ended therapy with the message; he really needs medication to make him a bit more able to hear what's said to him.
Meanwhile, here is a really important lecture to take to heart:
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