Stressed

After yesterday...I'm really stressed out.
Service User went to a friend's yesterday evening, and I just lay down for the couple of hours he was out, and let the stress run through me. It feels like biting metal, or hearing the whistle of a boiling kettle that I can't switch off.

I think that I expect too much of him and I'm trying to go too fast. The amount of self control he has gained is amazing. The problem I keep running into is my reaction (subconscious) to the waves of malevolent self hatred he gives off. He has a particular facial expression which indicates this mood. And it gets to me, it really does. It isn't that I think he will hurt me or himself, it is that I feel that he will. I am sure that he has enough self control to sit with it, now. But it is there, and my unconscious self is telling me to keep well away.

When I'm in a better state of mind, I can put up the necessary mental shield.
But when I feel like I do today, I just can't do it.