Emotional blackmail..

After the visit of the Mindfulness lady
During which Service User said 'things he shouldn't have said'?
And Service User's agitation at the thought of being hospitalized.
He realised that if he began to take the SSIs he may avoid being taken in...

Even so
When it came to it
He was convinced that the tablet would kill him...

But then, if he was in hospital, he would be given the same drug and more...
So he took the tablet.

I felt bleak and full of despair.
The vision of him taking the tablet was like watching someone practice suicide. I mean, if I had a pill that I thought would kill me as surely as cyanide and I was able to put it into my mouth and swallow it.

Too much like a rehearsal.

The next night the fear of the hospital wasn't so great.
The equation didn't balance for him...
The way the first tablet had not killed him didn't really figure in his thinking.

He didn't really care either way.
Except he didn't want to take the tablet.

So I said I wasn't eating my dinner until he did.
The dinner, freshly cooked bread, sausages, salad a glass of wine..all sitting there and bound for the bin.

My husband joined in
Pure emotional blackmail - or just honest...I'm not sure!
We did the same again last night, but it was less fraught.

All I know is I do not want him hospitalized.
Though the looking in the mirror and pacing continues
So he is stuck really, unable to get over the 'attractor state' he is in - an attractor state just describes inertia, how a system becomes stable in a state and needs some kind of input to make it change, then it needs to stay in this new state for a while to create a new attractor state.

His theories on having a brain tumor, or dementia are being challenged here. Last week I asked him to play a game of Quake 3 Arena with me, and I lost completely! True, I'm out of practice, but I'm not such a bad player.

He saw this as a sign that his reptile brain is able to function normally.
I pointed out that humans are not hardwired to use a keyboard mouse analogue for real movement, and that understanding where we are in a virtual representation of something that isn't where we are and isn't even us, on a screen...is higher level thinking.

A dog or a cat may just about get that there is an animal in the mirror, but play, plan and interact with it?

No.

Last night I left him with Mel's Story
A really difficult Portal game (a complex problem solving game) and he was able to play.

This is a CBT approach, to try to loosen the underlying belief in a reality for which there is no real evidence.

But I'm unable to stop reading his behavior symbolically.

The young man who began a degree in fine art has died with the degree, and the young man who self identified as a 'covert narcissist' is transfixed by his own reflection...

According to Conon, Aminias, a young man fell in love with Narcissus, who had already spurned his male suitors. Aminias was also spurned by Narcissus who gave the unfortunate young man a sword. Aminias killed himself at Narcissus’ doorstep praying to the Gods to give Narcissus a lesson for all the pain he had provoked. Narcissus was once walking by a lake or river and decided to drink some water; he saw his reflection in the water and was surprised by the beauty he saw; he became entranced by the reflection of himself. He could not obtain the object of his desire though, and he died at the banks of the river or lake from his sorrow. According to the myth Narcissus is still admiring himself in the Underworld, looking at the waters of the Styx. Link...