The journey to the hospital: Tuesday.

The first thing I did after getting up was to walk down to the GPs to ask if he could be seen as a 'guest'. The ambulance crew had reassured me that he could see a GP anywhere, and this had been one of our concerns about taking him away from his home...that it would be difficult to get a doctor.

The receptionist was resolutely, implacable in her assurance that it is impossible to just see a doctor; that it would take a week at the very least to register him as a 'guest', we should go instead she suggested, to the drop-in center.

When I got home Josh was up and about and telling us how sorry he was..
Because he is about to die.

I said, perhaps it is best if you die in a shrine room?
And set about arranging for us to spend the day in a Buddhist shrine room...
I thought if he can begin to relax
If he can begin to notice that despite what he thinks, he isn't actually dying...
Perhaps the panic will lessen and we can begin to get back to normal.

All day and latter
He is not dead.

He sees this as just some kind of glitch.
Death is imminent.
He keeps on telling us and we keep on smiling and saying, 'but you don't look like you are dying'...I can feel my sanity begin to slip.