Writing on the wall: ONE - Battle for the Sun.

When I first felt this song matching and snapping into place, resonating with something I was feeling...I tried to ignore it. A song that says openly and clearly "It's not me it's you" was unacceptable to the person I wanted myself to be. 

The good and worthy, lovable me.

The me whose radiant goodness would win out.

I wanted to be a person who didn't think or say those things...

Well, you know how that worked out!

This morning an invoice addressed to him came in the post. He hasn't specified anyway to get important mail, and he would say if I asked him what could happen with such post - I'm pretty damn sure he would say - "there's nothing I can suggest that wont upset you".

Untrue

Burning is number one - burn anything that is or has ever been connected to him - a very joyful solution.

Next comes ignoring - I do a lot of that one. But ignoring stuff isn't me.

What I have done before is: take the letters plus a heap of his stuff round to his parent's house and dump it in the porch - without comment so he had no idea what I mean by my action. Am I being kind or is it ugly. The lesson is; less information = less control and choice. After I told him why I had treated him as he treats me, he said that he knew (said to me as if I was stupid for thinking that he hadn't got it).

So each time he lied to me, he was consciously preventing me making choices that would have helped me to protect myself.

Right.

Well the outcome is, Battle For The Sun pretty much fits. There is still some lingering doubt, some left over 'hooked-in' going on. I have that too, but a bit less than in this song...I think.