Reset to 1.

30 days of no contact was just about enough for a scab to form, do its work and fall off. Yesterday scoured off the new skin that had formed underneath and I am back to weeping every hour or so.

Problem is, there is a new normal to navigate, in our lives, not just the bloody Covid.

Weeping, like anxiety (panic attacks) has its own rhythm independent of where I am, though where I am can add to the pain. Tesco's in particular...something about shopping for a family that is severed and sundered.

Just pain.

I don't know what to do now.

The cause of the problem wasn't just seeing him, it was his reaction to me being sad. Sad because I'm here in our home, and my husband is putting his remaining belongings into his car, to drive away.

Again.

My anger stems from a question that keeps repeating in my mind

How is this anyway to repair our marriage?

Ah yes, I forget - I'm the reason why he can't be married to me. I 'go on and on and on' because the problem is, when I'm hurt of angry, he is hurt more...

Well the Pusifer track isn't really the right one, the right one is 'The Undertaker' but it may have something to say...I don't know - oh 'the queen' in this song? 

She's not me.