Event horizon.

The event horizon is the glimmering ring of absolute delusion that surrounds a black hole. Light from past events is trapped at a balance point. Image without form. 

To go beyond this balance point is to leave a ghost, an appearance of life as you are crushed into ultimate stasis. 

The event horizon is a mirror that reflects only the past.

I woke up feeling a familiar dread. It is soon September and the start of the school year. 

This feeling shows how much I have not moved on. 

I am dreading him working with her as if I don't know, as if it is this time last year. 

Telling myself the truth, that this is nothing but a recording of how I felt, but wasn't allowed to express last year, may help, eventually?

As I feel this the metaphor changes. 

I'm on the Nostromo very quietly getting into my space suit. 

The sense of threat; the psychological damage already done, the financial implications, the unknowns that lie like land mines buried in the ground ahead.... I want to blow it all out of the airlock.

I can't... 

So reroute, think! 

Remembering the warning lights at the time of our marriage is useful knowledge. I was aware of the 'happy families' narrative, and I know that I decided to carry on anyway, because I trusted myself....

Trusted myself to do what though? 

To cope, to make the most of it? 

And I did, I was pretty much bomb proof. 

So where does resilience hide, and how much of it do I have left?

I can't blow what threatens me out of the airlock, what ever it is it isn't physical. 

Nostromo isn't the right metaphor. 

I do know that getting too close to the frozen memories can lead to absolute annihilation, all movement ceased within the ultimate gravity of a black hole.

The feelings and memories viewed through the lens of knowledge won't end the trap aspect, but may provide data essential for navigation?

I like that idea.... 

It may lead to the way out...