Three questions.

Three questions sent me up the road to enroll at college to begin training...All three have been answered. Gaining the information has been painful and probably, any fool could have told me the answers.

But no, I don't believe so.

My first was,  how do people ignore other people who are totally distraught, that is to say, so distraught that they may be compromising social rules? Years ago now, it was around 9 pm, a woman was walking up and down the street, sobbing. After I'd spoken to her and she had gone home, my neighbor ( a nurse) opened the window and asked me, what that was 'all about'? I felt really uncomfortable. I wanted to say, 'you heard her, but you did nothing?!'

Hence my question
Was it fear that meant my next door neighbor ignored her? Did my neighbor think that the woman would be embarrassed when she stopped crying, and would prefer to be ignored? Or was there something else going on?

This question perplexed me because I don't ignore crying people. I had thought that I was normal and ignoring was abnormal, but actually, no. I'm the weird one, ignoring is more normal. The times when it has happened to me, the effect of being ignored isn't good. I am erased, my soul is numbed, I'm  fragmented. I've been shown that I'm out of order, not what has happened...and to all those who ignored me let's just say, I can't find any gratitude in my heart for your unkindness.

But I do get it.
I think I know what's going on.
It is about empathy.
Too much empathy.

Upset people transmit upset...and people prefer not to feel upset, but empathy mostly occurs on a body level,  below the radar level where consciousness kicks in. My son in psychosis made me feel as if I was covered in flies. I felt and I perceived his anxiety as mine. I knew it was him not me. But it would work at me, this discomfort, make me start to feel annoyed. It is hard to switch off frustration at discomfort that never subsides and seems to feed on attention.

So, I get it I really do.

So called 'advanced empathy' is the ability to differentiate those induced feelings from one's 'own' and to name them. I now believe we are all as sensitive, just some people can differentiate themselves and name...whilst other people don't. They stop at discomfort and move away to protect themselves.

Whilst a psychopath exploits empathy to manipulate...

The other two questions were about the treatment of people with psychosis, and I definitely have recorded more than enough information in this blog! I have no confusion in my mind at how, a 22 year old can be in psychosis, talking about suicide, and his carer not phone for help....

My understanding of empathy, how it is too much, rather than the standard answer of, not enough, is new thinking for me.