Core statement.

But it is essential that at this stage you end your ceaseless pondering and are given one point of view to hold in your tired mind. The solution finally decided upon must be acceptable to you....Old fears eventually return and you lose your grip on the new point of view. Do not despair at this. It is to be expected. After all, you have been looking at the problem for so long from the one distressing viewpoint that it would be almost a miracle if this did not soon reassert itself vividly. It has become your habit pattern.

[Weekes, Dr. Claire. Self-Help for Your Nerves: Learn to relax and enjoy life again by overcoming stress and fear (p. 76). HarperCollins Publishers. Kindle Edition. ]

The positive things I can say about managing 21 days without allowing panic to win, is that it is slightly easier to regain control as a crash happens, and that 21 days is something to be very proud of.

The only thing I can say about how I managed 21 days is that my core statement has been instrumental in preventing crashes. My core statement was written in knowledge that with each crash either my true predicament is revealed (in which case now I know what I'm working with) or with each crash  I make it worse.

The hard part is, I can't know which truth matters most.

My core statement wasn't enough to prevent this crash for me last night and today. This tells me my statement needs some more work - oh, have I ever told you about my try harder driver? The crash was evoked by writing on the wall, or rather, by seeing something in a film that resonated with one of my I can't stand it statements.

Fritz Perls would say, "Say what you see" but even that seems beyond me. I know panic warps all inputs to maximum negativity, doom and despair. I can't trust my memory, or my feelings at the time...is the information I think I get that reveals my 'true predicament' true even?

Right now I side on the safe bet, that each crash makes things worse and so any secondary fear - the cause of a crash -  has to be ignored. Therefore no matter what, I agree with myself that I need to hold tight and stop. Each crash reveals what may be my True predicament. And I can't check it out because my husband runs a be strong driver...

Enduring my true predicament is a difficult option. It requires me to treat myself as the only problem, and it requires me to believe something I don't think I can believe - that my 'true predicament isn't true'. Perls asks me, "say what you see" and then my question to myself is, why are you not taking what happened seriously?

The answer is, because I'm fighting for us, and enduring means ignoring the voice that says I should  run....Run sure sounds like an anxiety thing. I can't trust what I think, feel, see...and run turns up when I hear myself using I can't stand it statements.

I can't stand it statements are the signature of secondary fear. They are the sound of a catastrophic, self-destruct drive starting up. And the moment I feel, I can't stand this I slip over the edge

My core statement is like a handful of grass, all that I'm holding on to as I hang over the void.