Yesterday...

It's funny feeling the blocks in my mind as I write this.

I write a sentence and then delete. I can't just write things out, plain and simple. Feels like it isn't fair, that I should try to protect something, but what and why...all the time I'm suffering visceral revulsion, and the experience of having my home smashed up bit by bit.

I'm trying not to feel hatred actually.

When the police asked me yesterday what started it my mind had gone blank, then I remembered:"he had wet the bed, that was what started it I think?"

And they must have had the image of someone who just wet the bed while asleep.

And thought perhaps we were being a bit harsh?

No, he had just stood there and urinated on his bed...

I didn't say, a few days ago he made a heap of his CDs and DVDs and urinated over them - in his room...And the excrement all over his hands - well, that's fairly normal. Right now I'm practicing saying it's not my problem.The police told exService-user to make an appointment to see the doctor. I have to remember that's his problem not mine.