Limitations of counselling.
As part of holding myself together I have counselling once a week.
As lovely as that is...because the room is quiet, I get to talk a lot...and draw on the white board.
As lovely as it is
It misses the mark.
Sure I have underlying stuff, but my main concern isn't entierly about needing someone to help me hold myself together.
I need somewhere I can say all the things I can't say.
Hence this blog.
But I need more...
To talk about the challenging behaviors I've dealt with this week.
The poisonous thoughts I need to weep over.
Last week as I left the room my counsellor said, this is the first week you haven't talked about your son...
Because I've learnt not to.
Inherent in most counselling traditions is the belief that the client is there to learn how to find their own resources, not to vent and not to say how bad things are.
So it seems?
But my problem is I need advice, to talk about the day to day and at the moment I'm feeling unheard!
This is like with the CBT counsellor Ex-Service-User saw.
She did the 'I really think he needs to take medication' speech and I didn't say 'why are you telling me, I'm not the one who will be taking them'. Nor did I say, 'you know what happened when he was forced to take Citalapram - why do you think I'd agree with you?'
This is the sort of thing I should talk about with my counseller, my lack of something...fight?
The other thing that got me about the CBT therapist was that she had given me the impression that we were working together until I asked her advice about Ex-Service User's obsessive thinking. She said that she would need to see me to talk about it.
That would cost £60.
For a yes/no question!
Based on previous experience she would talk at me....because that's what she did before when we were 'moms together' talking about Ex-Service User's family history. I do not want to be spoken to as if I'm responsible for his behavior. Nor do I believe that things are fine if I feel fine.
What I want is someone to work with me on what is the best direction to take with Ex-Service User. After reading books (as noone gives advice) we run on a sort of person centered approach I guess, informed by the writings of people like Van der Kolk and Peter Levine.
Listening, being clear.
Owning my own feelings...
Trust.
Dealing with the traumatic replay when it occurs.
Forget the concept of disorder instead seek what's wrong and what can be done...
But what happens to the experiences I have had that no one wants to hear, and that I can't talk about to anyone because it's not about me...?
Pots of fear, misery, anger boiling away locked in a cupboard far away...
As lovely as that is...because the room is quiet, I get to talk a lot...and draw on the white board.
As lovely as it is
It misses the mark.
Sure I have underlying stuff, but my main concern isn't entierly about needing someone to help me hold myself together.
I need somewhere I can say all the things I can't say.
Hence this blog.
But I need more...
To talk about the challenging behaviors I've dealt with this week.
The poisonous thoughts I need to weep over.
Last week as I left the room my counsellor said, this is the first week you haven't talked about your son...
Because I've learnt not to.
Inherent in most counselling traditions is the belief that the client is there to learn how to find their own resources, not to vent and not to say how bad things are.
So it seems?
But my problem is I need advice, to talk about the day to day and at the moment I'm feeling unheard!
This is like with the CBT counsellor Ex-Service-User saw.
She did the 'I really think he needs to take medication' speech and I didn't say 'why are you telling me, I'm not the one who will be taking them'. Nor did I say, 'you know what happened when he was forced to take Citalapram - why do you think I'd agree with you?'
This is the sort of thing I should talk about with my counseller, my lack of something...fight?
The other thing that got me about the CBT therapist was that she had given me the impression that we were working together until I asked her advice about Ex-Service User's obsessive thinking. She said that she would need to see me to talk about it.
That would cost £60.
For a yes/no question!
Based on previous experience she would talk at me....because that's what she did before when we were 'moms together' talking about Ex-Service User's family history. I do not want to be spoken to as if I'm responsible for his behavior. Nor do I believe that things are fine if I feel fine.
What I want is someone to work with me on what is the best direction to take with Ex-Service User. After reading books (as noone gives advice) we run on a sort of person centered approach I guess, informed by the writings of people like Van der Kolk and Peter Levine.
Listening, being clear.
Owning my own feelings...
Trust.
Dealing with the traumatic replay when it occurs.
Forget the concept of disorder instead seek what's wrong and what can be done...
But what happens to the experiences I have had that no one wants to hear, and that I can't talk about to anyone because it's not about me...?
Pots of fear, misery, anger boiling away locked in a cupboard far away...
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