Possession!

10 past 7 am.
These past few days have been tough.

As a guide, the time it takes for a drug to leave the body is 5x it's half-life.

Resperidone has a half-life of 20 hours x 5 = 100 hours = 4 days.
Citalapram 36 hrs x 5 = 7.5 days...
That means the Citalapram is just about over...today.

It is impossible to know what is the effect of any of it!
Too many other factors.
All I have are correlations...

The end of Resperidone looked like this:.

Day one: 7th July - day of episodic extreme self-recrimination and loss of self control.
Day 2/ extreme self-recrimination and increasing self-control.
Day 3/ more humor, increasing self control.

Flashes of real emotion linking the past to the present and locating anger in a more appropriate target than the self.

Today is the end of Citalapram.
Last night continuous agitation, but this was tempered with self control..
And this morning?
Agitation, a sense of humor...

It is possible all this would have happened anyway.
No way to know!
All I know is, coming off the drugs is supposed to be a pig!
And he didn't want to be on them...

And me...
Well this has been a white knuckle ride.
At times we have had 'full satanic possession' being as Service User is using Christian iconography to illustrate his experiences.
And I have been filled with self-doubt, guilt and shame.
I am acting in opposition to theories that make sense, just because I've read Groff...and the concept of archaic memories (created at birth) coming online and sending a person into a crisis makes sense.

I don't know that what we are doing is right...
But I'm with Maslow and Carl Rogers here, I believe people heal...
I do not believe it is right to pathologise.

Often I think our experiences should be made into a film.
Especially that scene where Service User was in a full satanic possession that had suddenly appeared as I drove the car. He was thrashing around, and practically 'doing the voice' at the point where, if I'd had full capacity i would have ignored the sat nav...but I couldn't think straight so I continued to drive onto the motorway...and the satanic crisis had ended quite soon after.

Nevertheless, none of us have any idea what is happening in anyone else's car at any time!

I found the car part quite challenging.