Non compliance.

Service User told me that the mindfulness lady was not coming today.
I guess she thought that she should.
And he said

Don't.

Well she came anyway...

As per usual I left the room.
Seems kind of wrong for me to be there, I see her as a counseller.
It's his opportunity to talk freely to someone..

Latter
As we sat down to dinner I asked him how it went.
"I probably said some things I shouldn't"
He said...

"She asked to speak to you and I said no"
He said.

"She said I may have to go to hospital, she is going to talk to another doctor"

This has been precipitated I think, because I cancelled an appointment at a hospital in London because his GP will be here for the duration and I was not prepared to travel to London with him for 10 am, especially as his anxiety focuses on his health (so does he really need this appointment?!) I felt sick for cancelling it though. I can't assess his health...but the term 'health concern anxiety' doesn't really cover the full spectrum of madness, health concern anxiety is, for me.

I was with Service User as I cancelled the appointment.
And I felt the tone of the day change
I felt like I'd run over a hedgehog
A kind of horror really...
I think I was picking up his feelings.
It was as if the walls had collapsed on him.
So all of last night and today, Service User has been more agitated, pacing, looking in the mirror, and he is beginning to really look ill now.

I also am feeling unwell.
And this is totally psychological!
So I can imagine how he has got himself to be ill by closing down his awareness to the exclusion of everything good or strong or positive, on signs and symptoms...

I know that I've found this last month so stressful
I've done my best to dive down into relaxation.
Usually in the wee small hours.

You know how lying awake used to be a bad thing?
I've grown to love it!
The night is an ocean of calm...